I’ve a idea: when you’ve got a contented childhood, you don’t bear in mind a lot of it. I’ve bought just a few bits and items. We lived in southeast London, not poor, however not properly off. Dad was a lecturer, Mum had been an English instructor. I actually don’t bear in mind a lot else.
As a baby I wished to be a soldier. Then I had an epiphany at 9. An indication appeared at college – the native am-dram society was placing on Peter Pan. I bought a minor function, caught the bug and wished to be an actor, till I noticed a BBC Noël Coward documentary. What a life, to write down humorous performs for the theatre, I believed.
I usually felt a one-man cliché within the 80s; I believed it was a time crammed with pious comedians ranting about anti-sexism and anti-racism. Trying again, so far as I do know, I used to be the one one. I additionally did routines in regards to the contents of my fridge, however I had this different facet that wasn’t that widespread.
The tampon routine was my most well-known, about what the world would appear to be if males menstruated. You weren’t allowed to promote sanitary merchandise on TV then. It was outrageous, patriarchal misogyny that feminine biology couldn’t be referred to in an advert break.
I gave my Friday Evening Dwell sparkly swimsuit to Annie Lennox. She wished it for a charity public sale, not, clearly, to put on it on stage. I gave it to her on the situation that she didn’t inform me how a lot it offered for. I didn’t want to be taught that Mick Jagger’s toothpick bought £200,000, whereas my swimsuit went to the one individual keen to pay for its dry cleansing.
I’ve cried over unrequited love and I’ve cried with household disappointment, however I don’t discover I cry all that a lot.
Elton John as soon as rang me up out of the blue and stated: “Elton, it’s Elton. I’ve all the time wished to say that.” These had been actually the primary phrases. He was very flattering and fantastic.
I’ve a Medal of Australia, the equal of an OBE, for my service to leisure. I’ve by no means been supplied something by the Brits. It doesn’t hassle me; I sleep very fortunately at evening.
My materials has modified as I’ve grown older. Once I was younger, I’d speak about being a pupil and attempting to get laid. By way of center age, citing screaming toddlers. Quickly, it’ll be about having a pair of unhappy strolling poles. I refuse to do bits about how lengthy it takes to piss at 65.
I’ve had conversations about writing one other musical. There was an extended discuss with Cat Stevens; an method from the Seashore Boys; two fantastic conferences with Tina Turner who’d liked We Will Rock You. Truthfully, doing one other isn’t one thing I actually take into consideration.
They don’t make sparkly materials like they did within the 80s. For the 2022 Friday Evening Dwell revival, I had one other swimsuit made. It’s simply not the identical.
Ben Elton: Genuine Stupidity excursions the UK and Eire from 23 August to 18 November. Extra particulars at benelton.reside
