Before saying “I do” to joining a bridal party for the first time, there are a few things you should know about how to be a bridesmaid. Getting asked to be in a wedding is a big honor that shouldn’t be taken lightly. After all, it comes with major time, financial, and emotional commitments. It’s important to gain an understanding of all the responsibilities expected of a bridal party member so you can be a help to the bride rather than a source of stress in an already-overwhelming time.
So, instead of following the guidance of bridesmaids seen in our favorite wedding rom-coms (27-time bridesmaid Katherine Heigl showed us a not-so-great example in her iconic early-aughts role, after all), we asked seven-time bridesmaid and one-time maid of honor Nicole Cunningham to provide her expert advice.
“I think the most important job of a bridesmaid is to show up for the bride the way she would want you to,” advises Cunningham, who balances working in PR between her stints as a bridesmaid. “You were chosen for a reason! Out of all the people in her life, she picked you to stand beside her on one of the biggest days of her life, and I think that says a lot about how the bride views you and how important your friendship is to her.” She adds, “No matter what, I think the goal is the same: making sure the bride feels supported, excited, celebrated, and never alone throughout the process.”
Ahead, we break down everything a bridesmaid should know to excel in the role.
The Duties of a Bridesmaid
The main role of a bridesmaid is to be present throughout the wedding weekend, follow the attire guidelines asked of the wedding party, and be a support to the bride leading up to the big day. Cunningham shares that while every to-be-wed may have different asks for her bridesmaids, you should come at those tasks with enthusiasm. “Some want help with every little detail, while others just want someone who brings good energy and keeps things fun,” she says. While a maid of honor is often tasked with more responsibilities, such as planning a bridal shower, bachelorette, and arranging wedding weekend logistics, they may call on you for support. It’s always appreciated to lend a helping hand if needed, but don’t feel obligated to lead the planning.
If the bride is having a bachelorette party ahead of the wedding, it is encouraged for you to go. However, it is not a requirement if you have a very valid excuse. “Would most brides love to have everyone there? Of course,” says Cunningham. “But life happens. Budgets happen. Work happens. I think most reasonable brides understand that real life exists.” If you are unable to make the party, it’s considered courteous to find another way to celebrate with the bride or add to the experience. “Sometimes that’s sending a thoughtful gift, helping with planning beforehand, taking the bride to dinner when she gets back, or just making her feel loved and excited leading up to the wedding,” notes Cunningham.
A bridesmaid should also be proactive and provide support throughout the wedding weekend without being asked. “A truly great bridesmaid is thinking about how to make the experience easier, more fun, and less stressful for the bride without needing any credit for it,” notes Cunningham. “They are the ones making sure she’s eaten something, bringing her water, fluffing her dress, checking in when she seems overwhelmed, or quietly handling a problem before she even knows it exists.” She adds that good energy is key to being a star bridal party member: “The calm, funny, flexible bridesmaids who can roll with whatever the day throws at them are everything!”
