For years, Muslim ladies have been the butt of the joke. Now we have been described as wanting like “financial institution robbers” and “letterboxes” by the likes of Bernard Manning and Boris Johnson. And from Jack “take off your veils” Straw to Donald Trump, who mentioned not less than we “don’t must placed on make-up”, white males in energy have repeatedly attacked us for reasonable laughs.
We couldn’t retaliate. We have been the unvoiced, faceless, humourless, powerless underdogs of society. Whereas white ladies operated in a wide range of roles – pop stars, fashions, newsreaders, politicians – we have been solely ever seen baking muffins in a burqa or changing into Jihadi brides.
Once I was rising up, nobody on TV seemed like me. My dad all the time used to shout: “Hurry up, get downstairs! Trevor is on the TV.” As a result of Trevor McDonald was the closest factor to an Asian lady on the time.
Race, faith and hijab all the time got here earlier than expertise, wit and accomplishment. Our hijabs have been akin to Kylie’s hotpants: they took on lives of their very own. Folks’s notion was that we have been compelled into marriages, managed by males, oppressed, and secretly getting turned into G-strings and miniskirts in public bogs for an undercover evening out on the Ritzy nightclub. The wealthy ones have been apparently spending all their days at Harrods shopping for crimson lacy underwear to don below our burqas for our husband’s eyes solely. A day trip for the remainder of us was a go to to the laser hair elimination clinic, and even then we needed to get permission from our fathers.
In reality, I can inform you that for many of us, our best worry just isn’t a compelled marriage or burqa. It’s the worry of marrying a person with an even bigger moustache. I’m actually aggressive – he can’t have an even bigger one than me.
It has taken years to vary even barely the narrative about Muslim ladies. There’s a historical past of Jewish, black and Catholic comedians however no historical past of Muslim comedians. It’s being created proper now in actual time.
I used to be the one Muslim lady on the comedy circuit for a few years – till the following one got here alongside. We weren’t like buses; we have been the rail alternative bus service. In addition to the boundaries that every one ladies within the enterprise face – sexism, lack of alternative, stereotyping, unequal pay – I had an entire set of further hurdles.
There was the racism disguised as criticism. White males who had by no means seen a Muslim feminine comic earlier than wrote: “This isn’t humorous. That is no good. Why does she all the time discuss being Muslim?” Or alternatively: “She doesn’t discuss Muslim sufficient! Of all of the issues she may have been speaking about and he or she talks about Primark? What a waste of an excellent Muslim.”
To be honest, on the time I wasn’t that good. The leather-based trousers I wore on stage have been so tight they have been consistently disappearing up my bottom. I needed to ship a search get together out for them each Friday. I haven’t checked with my native imam, however I’m fairly positive that’s not halal.
Nonetheless, I used to be anticipated to be a strolling, speaking rationalization of all issues Muslim. Whereas my white male comic associates had the privilege of speaking about aeroplane meals, why ladies have so many footwear, and snorting whereas laughing, I used to be anticipated to clarify 9/11, the battle in Afghanistan and Shamima Begum. The tabloids intentionally misconstrued my materials and accused me of supporting Isis.
Once I appeared on a well-liked daytime TV present, one of many feminine presenters mentioned to me: “Your mum, I consider, when she’s out and about, wears the complete burqa. However as a contemporary Muslim lady, have you ever ever had a severe dialog together with your mum, simply to say, ‘Why are you sporting that?’” My solely armour was humour, and all I may do was chuckle it off.
Fortunately we reside in a unique time now, during which folks may by no means get away with such a ignorance and bullying. However on the time, as a Muslim, I felt tormented, castigated and unwelcome.
I used to be doing autobiographical jokes when nobody actually knew a lot in regards to the lives of Muslims, specifically ladies. Something extra difficult than “All the ladies in my household put on the burqa – which is nice as a result of all of us use the identical bus move” made folks really feel uncomfortable. Or confused about whether or not they may chuckle or not.
Off stage, folks couldn’t place me. I’d get stopped at airports and requested: “Are you Malala? Mindy Kaling?” Or worse nonetheless, on a seashore within the Caribbean: “Are you my GP?”
What made it much more tough is that there was no “sisterhood” round to help or encourage me. There have been no different feminine Muslim comics, and I didn’t really feel that white feminism included me. What some ladies within the west could contemplate empowering, equivalent to Shania Twain saying she discovered posing topless for a latest photoshoot to be “liberating”, could be the antithesis of feminine Islamic values. There is no such thing as a OnlyFans in Islam – our model is OnlyFriends.
Quick ahead to a month in the past, when myself and 5 different Muslim feminine comedians carried out a five-city tour across the UK, which offered out inside hours, to a complete of greater than 5,000 folks. The present was halal, with no alcohol, and the viewers was strictly women-only: principally ladies in hijabs and niqabs though all ladies have been welcome. Queues have been trailing around the blocks of every venue, folks have been clamouring on the doorways providing to pay for spare tickets, and white males have been messaging me on social media to say: “Why can’t I get a ticket?”
A number of months beforehand, us six ladies – Yasmin Elhady, whose heritage is Egyptian-Libyan, Fatiha el-Ghorri (Moroccan), Ola Labib (Sudanese), Fathiya Saleh (Somali), Zain (Iraqi) and myself (Pakistani) – had been contacted by three Muslim “brothers” who run an occasions firm referred to as Twenty6. They’d seen the rise of Muslim comics within the mainstream, and felt the necessity to create a brand new house during which comedy may be loved whereas preserving to Islamic rules. They wished to rearrange a tour for us.
None of us replied. We had all been there earlier than: ripped off, handled unfairly, not revered. Why would they need to do that for us? Wouldn’t it actually work? They contacted us many times and finally, one after the other, we received again to them.
Comedy Queens, the present that resulted, platformed an actual number of Muslim ladies. There was a spread of political and observational materials, one-liners and social commentary. Our tradition, accents, languages, backgrounds, seems to be and experiences all diverse. We’re the Muslim Spice Women, with one thing for everybody.
However firstly each act provides laughter. This isn’t a Ted Speak or a sermon. We aren’t on stage to transform Sharon Smith into Khadijah Shamila Abdul Rashid. This isn’t Belmarsh. Everybody has a unique life story, so everybody’s jokes are completely different. A few of us are married, some are divorced, some are divorced twice, and I’ve a husband who’s funnier than me.
Being Muslim is just a small facet of those ladies’s lives. They like to look at Married at First Sight whereas consuming a vegan roll from Greggs, similar to everybody else. You’ll find these women within the tour bus listening to Oasis whereas concurrently watching movies of Mufti Menk on Instagram – a humorous, likable modern-day relatable imam with greater than 8 million followers, who has made faith cool and accessible to younger folks. He’s Father Ralph from The Thorn Birds, the Sizzling Priest in Fleabag, the imam that Islam has been ready for.
The ladies in our viewers requested one another: “Which one are you?” For lots of them, it was the primary time that they had seen themselves mirrored again. It’s been a giant leap from Trevor McDonald to Shazia Mirza. The laughter every evening was piercing. It wasn’t giggles, or well mannered tittering; it was howling, gut-wrenching, visceral, moist knickers. It was a laughter that for years had had no outlet; one which nobody had cared about or catered for.
The audiences appreciated it after we pushed the boundaries. They haven’t waited all these years for pedestrian materials about purchasing, weight reduction and reverse parking. If comedy is the reality, that is the bare fact. Because the tour expands, and audiences develop, no matter can be off limits, as a result of each matter is relatable to those ladies, as with each different lady.
Now, by public demand, we’re about to go world. We’re enjoying nations together with South Africa, Canada and the US. Within the UK, this 12 months we’ll play the London O2. These six financial institution robbers, letterboxes, ninjas, scary ghosts, blackout tents or simply underdogs, are combating again. Roofs are being blown off – not with bombs or weapons however with punchlines.
