I’ve spent loads of time asking myself why I like intercourse a lot. And for some motive I’ve but to debate in remedy, I’ve discovered consolation in solutions linked to purity: I prefer it for the pleasure, the connection, the intimacy, for locating the reality of one other individual. However when my companion and I made a decision to have an open marriage 4 years in the past, I discovered it onerous to confess that a big a part of my love for intercourse needed to do with my ego—with feeling scorching, feeling desired, feeling chosen.
We’d each had intercourse with different folks for the primary time, individually, on a Monday night time in June. My date (and intercourse) with somebody who wasn’t my companion of six years was actually fairly mind-altering. The intercourse itself was pretty much as good as intercourse goes, however the reminder that I used to be desired by another person, chosen by another person, discovered horny by another person, left me reeling: a lot potential, so many new methods to seek out pleasure. An entire new dimension appeared prefer it was opening up in entrance of me.
However so too had it opened for my husband, and once we reunited the subsequent day, I felt the earth shaking beneath me. He’d clearly had a mind-altering expertise too. I couldn’t actually imagine it. How might he? This isn’t what the books had advised me this is able to really feel like. Comparability is that this factor that each one the poly folks speak about—good jealousy, we’re completely happy that our companion is completely happy! However I wasn’t. It felt ugly to confess it to myself, however I used to be jealous, insecure. The issue was additional compounded by the truth that in a disaster of self-confidence about your desirability, the very last thing you wish to do is inform your companion you don’t really feel desired. Neediness is subsequent to ickiness.
I used to be nonetheless texting the man I’d slept with on Monday. We deliberate to satisfy the next Monday, and that felt nice. The quantum splitting of an atom or one thing: An entire me was feeling jealous, insecure, not scorching. One other me was establishing dates with folks, feeling desired in all these methods I’d forgotten about. And by the point my companion and I had intercourse, I had satisfied myself that he was doing it as a result of he ought to, however that he would a lot quite be sleeping with another person.
